2009年1月6日星期二
in despair...
as i h0ld his left leg up..
drip by drip .. fresh bl00d r0lls d0wn the w0und..
like a tap that has n0t been fully tightened...
as i bend d0wn m0re t0 l00k at his w0und..
i smelt a pungent smell that is c0ming fr0m his leg..
t0 my h0rr0r.. i realised that his heel b0nes have l0ng ag0 turned black..
it was gr0ss..
and the nurse said: his legs are in very bad c0nditi0n..
thr0ugh0ut the 1 h0ur w0und dressing sessi0n ..she has urged us t0 send him t0 the h0spitial f0r amputati0n 0f his leg...because even th0ugh she is coming t0 dress the w0und..h0wever.. his legs are n0t g0ing t0 heal... his legs n0 l0nger has the ability to supp0rt him as the bl00dstream has been cl0t..
but wad is the point of amputating his legs when he feels that l0ssing his legs makes him like a cripple.. i believe that he has suffered enough throughout his life..
his son hated him in their hearts.
when he was young he is ill tempered....
he punished them regardless with or without reason..
even when he is hospitalised .. his sons will not visit him..
his life is ill-fated..
i hate to accept fate that when people gr0w old they have to die...
why can't he pass away in peace rather than enduring these pain..
from young till now..
i have seen him aged..
from 2 legs to 3 legs and now o m0re legs..cos he is alm0st bed ridden..
i hate to see him being put in the old folk home.. or the nursing home..
what happen if the people over there ill-treat him?
i will feel so gulity to actually let their children place them there
..which father or mother hopes for the day they are placed in those places..
where they are so lonely..
there is no one there to talk to them other than the nurses..
i hate this !
i FUCKING HATE THIS ENDING..
the nurse said if he doesn't amputate his legs ..
he is left with 1 more month minimum bef0re the germs reaches the hip bone then slowly spread to his whole body..
i dun want the ending to be like my uncle...
i hate diabetes...
i h0pe that s0me0ne s0meday will find a cure t0 this disease..
because i kn0w h0w painful it is..
if i have a choice i wish to die before he dies.. because...
i dun wan to feel so sad and crying in despair the moment i tok about him
Music Took Control at; 23:13
